Day +3684: I hear babies cry…

“…I watch them grow
They’ll learn much more
Than I’ll never know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world…”

Happy New Year! Welcome 2021.

Yes, it is a wonderful world; 2020 was a challenge, true –
personally and globally… Karen’s relapse. Covid. RBG. Vidaza. Politics. TP. Shooting. Looting. THC, Birdseed and Raccoon food (truly a first world problem)- People? Let ’em eat cake; Masks, Isolation, and the Quest of Vaccines, Normality, Predictability.

… and Tuesday is just a day unless the paramedics are hauling one to the ER with sirens blaring (avoided that one in 2020) – see a wonderful world, and better then 2019 – Perspective.

… and 2020 was just a year – one is alive, enjoy what you can while you can
…true … easy to say …

So, the picture of the Wonderful World of 2020 might have been painted in the style of Picasso; the colors a bit harsh and the edges of reality a bit skewed – ah, but priceless.

2021 – Ah a new normal; ah ….all you travelers know new normals well. Fingers crossed for you Laura.

Karen’s treatment could be better – red counts and energy levels are sluggish, degree of nausea and spasms crest the surface of issues.

The communication with Hopkins could be better, the treatment approach a bit better defined. Oh, yes going for six cycles of chemo and then the graft versus host will override the MDS (code word cancer), sounds nice, hopeful; and the patient was accidentally informed of this plan. Oh, let’s do another bone marrow biopsy.

The chemo could be better, not talking the genetic level – just a simple change in protocol from two shots in the gut a day to three and wow running out of real estate and each shot reignites the injection sites of previous shot – chemical sunburn.
Well kid you’re ten years older — true, and ever thankful for reaching that… but, call it selfishness ready for ten or twenty more … fate.

Dr. Ashkan Bahrani (UMMC) at least is a bright spot.

“….But if the world was ending
You’d come over, right?
You’d come over and you’d stay the night
Would you love me for the hell of it?
All our fears would be irrelevant…”

So, the new normal will be the rule of the day. It encapsulates all dreams, hopes, fears and the meaning and quality of life. Individualistic as that is.

2021 will not magically change the ‘wonderful world’; it is changed at the micro level of human existence on how we choose to face the day to day and how we treat ourselves, our family, friends and probably, most importantly, the strangers one only meets once. Probably why we are cat people.

Karen chooses to live her life, no regrets, no bucket list, or fairy tale might have beens.
Not easy, but….

“… A tame and toothless tabby can’t produce a lion’s roar
And I can’t help being frightened on these midnight afternoons
When I ask the loaded questions — Why does winter come so soon? …”

There only was one choice – live your life, each moment that is given. Things will change, not necessarily better, nor what did not kill you will make you stronger … Just the new normal after the shock of moment – she / they / we deal with it.

Enjoy your travels on the edge of reality… for …. well… figure it out….

Happy Fucking New Year…

….but, even so it is a Wonderful World.



  1. I really like the comparison of 2020 to Picasso. I only like some of his works but appreciate his artistry. Yes, it is a wonderful world. Love, Linda

  2. Here’s to a better year in 2021.

  3. You always seem to snap me out of my bullshit misery! I need to be more
    Thankful and grateful and and and and…..
    we all wish we could make Karen better. That’s always my number one prayer.
    I should pray harder….more often…..Geez it sucks so hard!
    You need to write a book! I’m sure you’ve been told this a hundred times. But
    Your writing is so damn awesome. Your style your wording.
    I wish you both a easier, safer, healthier, better normal this millennium and always forever! And happy fucking new year was absofuckinglootly perfectly

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