“….We thought they’d never end
We’d sing and dance forever and a day
We’d live the life we choose
We’d fight and never lose
Those were the days…”
In the world of the atomic clock, time is precise to the point of determining leap seconds to keep the electronic world synchronized with a tired earth which dares to alter the length of a day without asking us humans for consent. In the world of humans, time is more fluid – joyous events all pass in a flash, hence our memories seem to be a bit fuzzy. Continuing with this fuzzy logic, the more difficult moments seem to possess a unique time quality, for example: Consider, due frugality or heroics, one decides to forgo that novocaine shot and that nanosecond when the whirling drill assaults the enamel of the tooth and reactivates that ‘dead’ nerve. Well eons pass – it might be because our body’s nervous system is trying to chisel into cortex of brain “don’t do that again stupid” … but ah, we forgot so easily.
An eon ago (yesterday afternoon), Karen saw her hematologist. Blood and urine were collected and processed. Discussions both light and dark were had with a candor and honesty that makes the possibility of the worst outcomes be somehow acceptable. Relax, we ain’t there yet, but the mind tends to wander down the dark roads first. The blood counts were depressed further, but are still hovering above the transfusion threshold. The next chemo cycle is locked and loaded on the calendar. So how is Karen you ask?
“…You know I’m [feel] bad, I’m [feel] bad, you know it
(Bad, bad, really, really bad)..”
We expect the week after chemo to be sucky as a matter principle; however, Karen has been down and out for over two months. The level of bad seems disproportional to the current state of her counts. There are no clear answers, the havoc the cancer is causing in her body seems to exponentially aggravated all the ills and side effects. Not a medical opinion. So, if you’ve heard of a side effect from chemo – well, let’s just say we got check marks by it. The ray of sunshine is measured in perceptions, quality of life sucks right now, but nothing has driven things to the point of dancing in the ER.
“…I need some good news, baby
Feels like the world’s gone crazy
Give me some good news, baby
Give it to me, give it to me…”
Don’t we all.
Right now it is eon by eon. Hopefully, the Vidaza will do its job.
When? TBD. Time in drag mode.
P.S. Doctor’s office called, urinary tract infection, Ciprofloxicin ordered from pharmacy.